It appears my “Journey” has been referred to, and so I feel I better make an update. I have avoided the forum for awhile because it was very difficult to not get upset. Music is a way of life for me. Singing is extremely important to me as well as playing wind instruments. A few people have written to me privately not understanding that it is harmful to tell me that if they lost their abilities it would be the end of the world. I need to make a statement. IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Yes I had to reinvent myself. Yep it was hard. Yes I needed to fire my ‘Specialist’. I guess the lesson that was most strongly learned by me is ‘Listen to your gut’.
My surgical notes were not sent to my doctor until just 3 months ago (that’s 18 months). Once my GP saw them she told me to stop everything and heal. Everything. Apparently I had come very close to dying two different ways. Both my jugular and my aorta on the right side had been damaged. My GP was distressed that not enough information had been told to me for an informed recovery. Quite frankly Yogi Bear could have told me what to do, and I wouldn’t have remembered. I was very sick, and ‘not myself’ LOL. So I took doctor’s advice and let everyone poke and prod me. As it turned out I had a sort of “hidden pneumonia” that isn’t caught much for wind musicians because of our lung capacity. I was also anemic. Sooooo that might explain the exhaustion. Sheesh. My doctor ordered some serious vitamin B capsules (because that was the anemia cause) and also I became the owner of a brand spankin’ new nebulizer and some medicine to inhale - so that the lungs would once and for all heal. The nebulizer worked as well as the vitamin B.
I have healed well enough to be overconfident with flute LOL. I created a flute library for myself to use - not so much because I didn’t think I could play, but so that if a neighbor used a studio wall breaking Leaf Blower, I had some of my own personal recordings to use. I broke up the time to record everything by a couple of new fence and new roof, neighbor nailing weeks. I guess I hurt myself a little bit. It’s not serious, just annoying. When I showed my doctor the embouchure for a wood flute, she rolled her eyes and said, “Uh YEAH! That would cause the muscle you are pointing to to hurt!!” She used cold laser on it and It’s already much better after less than a week.
Update on saxophone playing and speaking. I had a serious set back the end of September. A dental visit tore out some of my healing. I would like to HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO NOT HAVE DENTAL BONE X-RAYS. The assistant didn’t listen to me. What my GP doctor and I think happened is that when the assistant forced my jaw open with her hands and put the ‘crow bar’ of a device into my mouth under my tongue - it tore the weak point of my right side surgery at the tongue root level. So I was mute for another 6 weeks.
No amount of ranting will suffice as to how I feel about this LOL.
So here’s the bright spot: ( I know this sounds so bizarre) When my tongue was torn within my neck, it also tore some really bad scar tissue. I was able to have cold laser treatments and I have improved much faster, and have been much more successful with the PT exercises. After six weeks I was able to talk much better and without pain for a substantial amount of time, as long as I did not raise my voice.
People no knowing what a voice injury is like will probably think I must be yelling all the time to be concerned about not being able to raise my voice LOL. People have NO IDEA how much you need to raise your voice in everyday life. So many people talk over you and walk away. Cars nearly back over you in a parking lots. People call out to you from a distance and you just forget what it does to you until it’s too late and you talk back.
Game plans need to be made for what to do instead of yelling. My family and some of my extended family know that when I raise my hand it’s the same as “speaking up”. I’ve had to avoid some people in my life in order to heal. We are living in a strange world. You find out who your friends really are. I am thankful that I have some special friends.
Update on Saxophones - my main instruments. I am playing Alto sax in a “different way” once a week for 20 to 30 minutes without consequences. Yes I miss playing in a group, but this time away was a great lesson. I was a big fish in that group. It was holding me back. I really want to start my own group and I have a lot of ideas for that ‘new group’s’ future. I was trying to force practicing several times a week, but I just wasn’t healing well. My lesson on this is, no matter how everyone else feels, you need to make sure you are listening to how you feel. Everyone wants a happy ending quickly. Not all happy endings happen when you want them - some are delayed.
Some are ruined by the pressure of too soon. I am learning to be selfish about that not happening. I am not allowing a band leader or individual to force me to play before I am healed enough to play without consequences. The “different way” of playing is holding my Alto sax in front of me instead of the side. It was requested by my doctor. I’m a bit ‘vertically challenged’ for this, so if I play sitting down; I need to sit in a way where the horn doesn’t hit me in the nose instead of the mouth. I use a pillow. I sound good. I’m shocked in fact at how good my tone is. The size of the throat and its form is a big deal with wind instruments. I apparently have not suffered any loss, it seems to actually sound better.
The state of singing - Wow this was the toughest. I had to make sure everything was aligned so that I didn’t injure myself. I had to have a warm throat. I had to start soft. I just started singing a chromatic scale two notes at a time. So I would sing softly C - C# until it was smooth and then sing C#-D the same way. I did each note pairings three times. If it was difficult to hit the note I meant to sing, then I would end with singing that note correctly and not push it any further. There have been a couple of times I have burst into singing (it used to be my habit) and didn’t realize I was singing until I hit something painful. So my singing voice is Definitely coming back. I am not at performance level yet.
There was a door that opened up to me, that is such a surprise I am stunned. It seems my experience and my journey made me a good candidate as an ‘expert witness’ for voice identification. I didn’t look for it. I had an attorney approach me. I’ve already earned my first pay check! Who would have thought that all of the research I did for my own sake and also all of my equipment in my sound studio plus all of the education I needed to use virtual instruments while I was loosing my ‘abilities’ - resulted in the fact: I have a new skill that is sought after. There’s are many good things happening. I just need to stay on course.
So my Eagle Syndrome buddies - don’t give up! Be your own advocate as much as your health can stand. Fire the bad doctors. Communicate will with the good ones! Hang in there! If you need prayer, let me know and I will be your prayer advocate.
I need to add more - so sorry, but it’s the most important thing. I was an EXTREME case. Please do not be afraid from my long recovery. My doctors are very happy I did not die. I had a broken ES bone that was very large. It even made them squeamish. So please know that if I can get better - even if it takes years; than anyone can get better. Hang in there.
