Pizza was yummy and I’ll take the tough love, Jules! Give it to me! I need to get out of my own head! I’ll try to treat myself like another member, super idea.
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Good morning SewMomma!
Nothing like a bunch of teenagers celebrating to help get you off this mind game train. I hope the cake was extra delicious and all is well this morning. I took a little time to look back at this original thread you started soooo long ago…WOW it has been a loooong train ride for you! I especially liked the message about the recurring Eagles after you saw your first doctor at a service, God has a great sense of humor! You have been through so much and now you are at the tail ends of this journey…you are so doggone close!!! Remember where you have come from, what you have survived and just how bad it “was” - past tense. Thank you for sharing so much of your self with all of us. We “know” each other through sharing our sufferings, that is one of two things every human has in common…the other is love. Have a lovely day and hold on just a bit longer 
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I am there with you SewMomma! I second what JustBreathe said - you have been through a lot and have come very far. I think the anxiety is the last to hold on. I think of it as the bad guy in a movie that holds on with one last finger before finally (!) being pushed out of the plane/train/auto. In the end, the good prevails.
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Not long for you now, hope you’re managing your anxiety?! I hope the next week goes quickly for you!
Thanks Jules!
No anxiety here, have been through surgery too many times for that, just ready to get on with the show.
I am in a place where I’m not taking sides. Which does not mean anything other than I am ready to accept what ever happens. It is like floating down the middle of the river instead of getting hung op on the banks, quite freeing actually.
Thank you for thinking of me, I really appreciate you all 
This forum is a blessing in so many ways.
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Thank you! I am definitely holding on and trying to find gratitude.
I should brag on my surgeon some. He really did an absolutely wonderful job and my symptoms are all gone with the exception of this little hiccup from swelling.
I eat with ease now. I don’t have a painful, bone cracking click with each swallow. I sing loudly in church. My tiny little click is just a reminder of what I’ve been through. It’ll go. It WILL GO!!!
I practically flung the blanket right off the bed this morning making myself get out of bed so fast. No time to think. School was a wonderful distraction and my son had a question in one of his subjects that was very meaningful to me. I’m lucky - they are really MY teachers!
(by the way the question was: What connections do you have with every other human being who has ever lived? His answer: We are all created by God, we all have the condition of sin and we all experience suffering which draws us more deeply into the community of humanity. That last part may have been added by his teacher during grading 
)
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JustBreathe,
I was completely in the same boat as you by the time I had surgery. My ES surgeries were the first truly major surgeries I’ve ever had, but I was ready to accept whatever happened/whatever the outcome. I figured it couldn’t be worse that what I was already suffering & hopefully it would be better (which indeed it was!). I praise our wonderful, loving God for that!
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Your son is amazing- what a brilliant answer-& he clearly has a good answer! Put that on your fridge & think of that when you’re feeling anxious!
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You’ve taught your children well! YOU ROCK, SewMomma (does that comment date me?)! That was a profound answer on the part of a 15 year old (even w/ the addendum from Mom at the end. 
) I know you’re very proud of him & with good reason.
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Thank you Jules and Isaiah. I am most definitely blessed. I’m really trying hard to stay distracted when I start to worry what the future holds for my healing. Not hard to find distractions and inspiration in my house
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A small praise report - I felt like my old self yesterday when I went on a cleaning marathon. I had energy and nothing hurt or held me back. So at 2.5 months after surgery at least I can scrub the mold off the rubber in my washing machine - woo hoo!!! 
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Hurrah for getting back to the normal humdrum of life!!! Excellent accomplishment
I am SOOOO happy for you. And terrified to even look in mine! Maybe I will put that on a goal list for one of these days…or just have one of my teenagers do it - much better idea 
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Hello friends! I thought I would just copy and paste a journal entry I just wrote. (slightly edited)
Dear Diary,
Just kidding. That’s not how I start my journal! 
Two days ago, Friday night, I told my husband I had good news and bad news. The bad news was the click was happening a lot. Not the snagging feeling I used to feel but the sound is there, I hear it and I feel a little crunch with each swallow! When I put my fingers in my ears – the click is so loud! He said to stop doing that, lol. And this week it seems it has only gotten worse! I can hear two very faint clicks when I swallow – like the hyoid is clicking when it goes up and down with each swallow. It is extremely nerve wracking. It feels like a sparky feeling and the sound is a very faint knocking sound. I can hear it at night and when I first wake up. It is very hard to concentrate when I can feel/hear it during schooling. I had to really offer it up Friday and trust it would one day end. So I said that the good news is I think the fact that it got a little worse is a sign of movement. Movement is good – all things in that area settling back to where it all needs to be! So I just had to trust. I woke up Saturday and for the first time in weeks – really since it all started after the second surgery – I didn’t have the clicky sound! And it didn’t happen all day! And it didn’t happen any today! I’m so thrilled. I’m still suspecting there could be another wave but my swallows have been awesome today! No clicking, no hesitation with food going down, no uncoordination feeling, no crunchy feeling. Those are the things I’ve been feeling for so long now – a great deal of it ended with the first surgery but then kind of came back after the second! At least I think they weren’t there after the first surgery. There’s a chance it was there (although I’m very perceptive so I’m thinking no) but now that I’m done with both surgeries I’m super tuned in to “what’s left”. So – prayers of thanksgiving for the good two days this weekend. Prayers it continues. But prayers of supplication for me to be patient and CALM and accept it if another wave of healing comes this week. Stuff could still be moving.
I can not tell you (you all know - I don’t have to tell you) how badly I want this clicky sound to stop. It’s the reason I had the whole thing done in the first place. My gut says the hyoid was really really really out of place due to years of tension. It is slowly moving down. I honestly think this has to be what’s happening. It’s snagging on something but it’s only barely clipping that anatomy (spine, cartilage, who knows) versus before the surgeries when it was sort of getting stuck on whatever in there! Yikes, I’ve come so far.
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You are my hero 
You’re sweet. I’m a 43 year old mom who is on an anti-depressant to cope with all this. I think I’m doing great for the baggage I came into life with as a world-class worrier!!! So, thank you for the endorsement 
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Thank you for your posts- you’re so honest! I keep praying for total healing for you, & for patience & less worrying too Hope that there are no more clicky spells…
All I see is a beautiful bright shining soul - accepting all that life is giving with grace and love 
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Acceptance!!! That has been at the top of my prayer list! You get me JustBreathe 
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Hi SewMomma,
From one worrier to another, I can really appreciate what you are going through. There is nothing worse than a sound and feeling in your body that shouldn’t be happening - it spikes anxiety, dread and fear. Especially after going through so much to make it go away.
I started to feel my pre-ventricular contractions beat out of my chest after surgery and while normal for me, feeling it is not and it spikes my anxiety. I have been practicing deep belly breathing, focusing on each breathe, which I find helps me. I am mostly ok now as I go through longer periods between feeling them, but when its back I start all over again with the anxiety and trying to cope. I try to look at feeling the PVCs as a friendly reminder that my heart is alive and well. Haha, easier said then done.
And that crunchy, clicking, cracking popping sound in your neck, its happening on my right side (the side with the 5.5 cm styloid to be removed.) When it happens out of no where it feels like a muscle being pulled and then it pops back into place. The intense, immediate pain lasts only seconds but it is so jarring and unsettling. I too would expect that major neck surgery to remove the remaining styloid would help with this. If not, then it would be very upsetting to say the least.
Hang in there. Sending warm hugs and support.
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Hi BG!
You get me too! Lol. This has all been such a test for me! I hope and pray I can help my kids deal with anxiety better than I ever did as a child. I’m just now figuring out how to navigate choppy waters in life.
I’m so glad your breathing episodes have spaced out a little. It will likely follow a pattern of reduction in intensity, duration and frequency.
Wish I could listen to my own advice sometimes! Thank you for the encouragement. We are all having normal, average reactions to the weird things during our recoveries! Let’s keep lifting each other up!
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