So, I’m really not doing well. The anxiety and brainfog are killing me. My brain focuses on guilt and regrets. It spirals over and over. I don’t feel like myself at all. It’s hard when I’m feeling awful not to reflect on my past mistakes, how I could have done things differently and how I could have avoided my neck injury… But I know I can’t change the past.
Anyways, I met Dr.Hackman last month on the 29th (he seemed like a smart man) and he agreed my IJVs were compressed and has scheduled bilateral styloid removal surgery for Monday, which is a few days from now.
This is why I’m here I’m Carolina, and living in this homeless shelter far from home, and it’s been a long journey. I’m afraid I won’t get better, that I have CCI or something else going on. I’m afraid of nerve damage, and death. I’ve never done such a major surgery. But I’m moving forward. I’m hoping I’m one of those people who wake up and miraculously the anxiety, disassociation and fatigue are gone. I miss the person I used to be and I’m fighting to bring him back.
Thank you for your attention and your kind words, and most of all for posting your stories here on this forum. When I’m crippled with anxiety I often come back here to reread them, to prove to myself that this is temporary and that I’m not alone. I’m praying for resolution, for a second chance at life.
@KyleNeedsHelp - I’m actually excited that your surgery is so soon! You won’t wake up from surgery feeling amazing but as a puzzle picture gradually comes together with the addition of each new piece so will your recovery come together with healing bit by bit as each day passes.
The first couple of weeks may be pretty uncomfy. Please remember to sleep with your head very elevated 30° if possible. Ice packs are key, too. Hopefully you’ll have access to a freezer in which to chill them. 2-3 gel packs are best. Get yourself a stool softener & laxative to take daily as long as you’re taking any Rx pain medication to help prevent the constipation that causes.
Please ask Dr Hackman to Rx a course of steroids to start post op. Dexamethasone has less side effects than prednisone. Having that helps tremendously to reduce post op swelling.
I’m so glad that he’s able to help you! Good that your surgery is soon, gives you less time to worry while you’re feeling so grim… As @Isaiah_40_31 says, you most likely won’t wake up feeling brilliant, for most people it’s a gradual improvement, so please don’t feel despondent if you don’t notice changes when you come round. I don’t know what facilities there are in the shelter, but often after surgery it’s hard to eat, so soft foods or smoothies are needed, are you able to get anything like that made for you or buy yourself? If you can sleep propped up and have ice packs ready to help with swelling, is that possible where you are? Also the painkillers you may well be prescribed can make you constipated, so it’s important to get something ready in case. There’s info about recovery in here if you haven’t seen it: ES Information- Treatment: Surgery - Welcome / Newbies Guide to Eagle Syndrome - Living with Eagle
Will be praying for you on Monday too
@KyleNeedsHelp You have been through so much and you are in a lot of Bain both physically and emotionally. You are also incredibly resilient and have enormous grit and determination. Try to rest your mind there, in the things that are also true but we tend not to give them any weight especially when we feel so bad. The brain is a simulator and uses the past to predict the future. In this way it is trying to help us survive but is very often wrong. Try to catch yourself getting lost in the narrative about changing your past or how the future will be and when you do, ground yourself in the present moment (as imperfect as it might be) by focusing on your breath or your feet on the ground, maybe put your hands on your heart and wish yourself some peace and good health. It’s like a mini vacation for our habit of using logic to try and solve everything. I’ll be thinking of you and look forward to hearing how it’s going post-surgery.
Hey, me too. Surgery on Monday. Lots of thoughts about the past, regrets and fears but God reminds me to have His Peace that surpasses human’s understanding🙏 What is the time difference in Carolina and Manitoba, Canada? Will be praying for you, Kyle. Thank you for sharing.
WOW! @Luba - You got both sides done! That’s fantastic!! I’m so glad the surgery is behind you. Do you know if he took pictures of the sections of the styloids he removed? I always forgot to do that so never got to see what came out of my neck.
Now I’ll pray for an uncomplicated recovery. Thank you for the picture!
The surgery didn’t happen. Was at the hospital all morning and at the last second they told me my Medicaid insurance wasn’t responding. They postponed it until Friday. I don’t even know now if it’s going to be approved. Feeling more depressed than ever. Nothing ever works out for me. For three years I’ve dealt with trauma, my brain starving for oxygen, losing everything. Treated like a loser, barked at in homeless shelters unable to feel. At this point it’s too much to take. I don’t know how much more of this suffering I can endure. If they deny my operation… I don’t know what I’m going to do. It took Hackman one minute to see my IJVs were severely compressed, how can society keep allowing me suffer this way? Why didn’t doctors help me when I was in their offices three years ago crying, begging for help? I would have rather had an illness that killed me instead of something that left me in limbo, numb, uncertain and without my soul, all I do is suffer and watch everything I ever loved dissolve away. Curse the man who gave me neck whiplash, curse all the uncaring sociopaths that let me die slowly. And if I do get the surgery there’s no guarantee it will work… I could have CCI or my veins won’t reopen. I wish they’d tell me they’re going to figure out what’s wrong with me. I wish I had a family that loved me, a partner to hold me.
I’m so sorry that there was a major problem @KyleNeedsHelp , but hang in there… I had one of my surgeries cancelled in the UK & it’s so difficult when you’ve geared up for surgery & are hoping for a cure so I do understand… Praying that this gets sorted for Friday and all goes ahead then, & sending you a hug- I know it’s not the same as having someone beside you but we’re here for you
@KyleNeedsHelp - I’m so sorry your surgery was put off. I will also be praying that Medicaid will get their stuff together & get it approved by Friday. I’m sure Dr. Hackman’s office is doing what they can to make this happen for you. I am also praying this surgery is the eventual end to all your terrible symptoms so you can get back to living a life that is fulfilling - that includes you feeling loved & supported.
Everything was in time. I was scheduled at 11.30 and I was taken at 11.45. Dr. Sayed came and told me he would only do ONE side today and NOT to the skull base because of the nerves. I was already with IV anxiously looked at my husband and asked him if I should run away NOW to Kazakhstan and do the surgery there. My husband said:" No, we prayed and God led you here today, please, trust". The nurse asked me to sign the paper and I was not sure what I was doing was right, but I listened to my husband. I asked again Dr. Sayed if he had performed this kind of surgery he said yes. I asked to do BOTH sides and he said : " let’s see how the first one goes".
At 12.15 I was in the surgery room. Everyone was so friendly and sounded positively.
I woke up at 2 p.m. and immediately felt my tongue is not burnt any more which was a good sign. I was taken to the recovery room and stayed until 7 p.m. I was allowed to stay overnight but my husband said we should go home tonight. Dr. Sayed came to the room and shown me the picture of those styloids removed. So, I have now 2 cm on both sides which is normal and won’t re-grow as Dr. assured. very small chance.
My husband said Dr. Sayed was the only doctor who called him personally after the surgery was done. All other people who waited for their family members had quick conversations with nurses. Dr. Sayed has shown a great care for me. We appreciated it so much. My next appointment with him is coming in 4 weeks. I was not prescribed any steroids only tylenol which I took 1 pill so far. I ate some noodle soup and watermelon today. They greatly scratched my throat and I feel a piece of something wiggling in my throat. I can’t cough it out but hope it will go away itself. Feels like a piece of skin🙈
My neck is swollen. And yes, he did BOTH sides even though wanted to do one.
My head is still a little bit dizzy. A part of my underchin is numb. Would it go away?
These are the questions for Dr. Sayed:
How should I control that Calcium so it won’t sit on the skull anymore?
How often I should do the CT to check if everything is normal?
I think that’s all for now…if I remember anything else I will add it.
Greatly appreciate this forum. You guys were a tremendous support for me and like my family for these 9 month.
