Okay, I need to admit to something because I’ve been pursuing a lot of different diagnosis and I noticed something this week that I need to get off my chest for a start and also that I think massively contributes to my symptoms (possibly even causing them). Here goes…
I’m incredibly lonely. I don’t actually have any friends at all. I have family, a husband, kids. But I don’t have a single friend. I go to work but we hot desk and I usually sit on my own. Occasionally I try to join in other peoples conversations but I usually end up over sharing and embarrassing myself or I just keep quiet and nod. Anyway, the interesting bit…because of this, I constantly talk to myself in my head. Sometimes, I pretend I’m with other people (celebrities usually, sometimes family) and I talk to them in my head about anything, just like a normal person would do with a friend. I noticed that my symptoms get a lot worse when I’ve got weeks where I’m doing this a lot, I noticed that when I do this I breathe very shallowly, using my throat rather than my diaphragm and I’ve noticed that when I lie down and breathe deeply my entire jaw/neck/shoulders relaxes and I’m just left with tension around the throat area/back of the throat but I’ve no idea how to relax this part.
I noticed it a lot this week because I had a lot going on and no one to really talk to about it (can talk to my husband but sometimes that’s not really enough) so I was chatting to some “celebrity friends” about it that I would pretend are sat in the same room. I know that this is probably completely crazy behaviour and I just want to note that I know that these celebs are not really my friends and that I absolutely do not talk out loud, although sometimes when I’m caught in the “chat” i can do facial expressions like smiling and people have sometimes noticed this which is really embarrassing.
Anyway, I’ve probably shared too much and you probably think I’m completely crazy (I am!) but just wondered if anyone else does this and if you do does it cause symptoms?
I’m so sorry that you feel so lonely, & don’t have a friend to talk to, are there no mums at your kids school you could meet up with, it’s hard though getting to know people- I can do a bit of small talk but it seems to be hard to move things on to a friendship…
I don’t talk to celebrities, but I do pray in my head while I’m out walking, & talk to myself in my head running through things that might have happened, what I might say to someone next time I see them etc…but I have noticed that even though I’m not actually talking, my throat does kind of move as if I was speaking & then my throat/ neck muscles ache sometimes (especially if it’s been a long walk ), & I know what you mean about facial expressions too, I catch myself frowning etc sometimes! It could be that the tension is giving you symptoms, certainly! So you’re not crazy, or if you are then I am too…Sending you a hug
Thanks Jules, that’s exactly like me, I kind of move my throat muscles and I think this is causing quite a lot of symptoms and either causing or making the symptoms worse.
I do have a bit of social anxiety and I work full time so most of my chatting to the other mums happens on WhatsApp because I don’t do the school run, but I am going to arrange to do the drop off / pick up on Fridays so hopefully I can make new friends there, I just find it quite difficult.
You are very brave to share your personal challenge with us. I’m glad you did! We all have our “little secrets” and often no place to get them off our chests. This is a safe place to do that.
I also have a lot of mental conversations & pray as I go about my day. I am definitely an over sharer & have embarrassed myself more than once doing so. @Jules suggestion of trying to make friends among the mothers of your childrens’ friends is good. If you have a free hour or two on a Fri., Sat. or Sun., you can invite a mom & her child(ren), who isare your child(ren)'s friend(s), to meet you & your child(ren) at a park for an hour or so, or do an outing like spending time at a zoo or some other attraction that will entertain the kids & offer a chance for spontaneous conversation. When you’re watching your children together, conversation about your children becomes natural & often evolves into more personal conversation as you get to know each other better. This is how I met many of the people who became my friends over the years. I think doing the drop-off/pick-up on Fridays sounds like a great plan.
Try initially to focus on general topics such as movies you like, books you’ve read & enjoyed, your hobbies, etc., to find some common ground, & keep the more personal topics for later when you know the person better. This can go for developing work friendships as well. Ask one of your co-workers to go to lunch w/ you some time or to coffee/tea & chat about work, the weather, your favorite places to eat or foods to eat. Just basic conversation can develop into friendships.
Being lonely causes stress, & stress makes symptoms worse because it causes us to tense up. You are on to something as you noted when you lie down & breathe slowly & deeply, it helps you to relax at night. You can use that same slow, deep breathing during the day when you notice yourself tensing up & your symptoms getting worse. Spend a few minutes to slow your breathing & take some long, deep, relaxing breaths. It will help calm you down & relax what’s gotten tight which in turn can reduce your symptoms.
I will pray for you to make some very good friends this year.
Thank you, I’m really going to try to make some friends, I’ve done some CBT for social anxiety which made me feel a bit better about myself and to try to stop judging myself so much. This forum has been amazing too, so many lovely people on here.
I’m glad to know you’re working on this area of your life that causes anxiety. You don’t need to be surrounded by a crowd of friends, just a couple of really good ones can be enough. I don’t know how really popular people manage. I get drained just thinking about that would be like!
Hi Skatkat,
And here I thought I was the only one. I not only converse with myself, I do it out loud. Nobody else is around as I live alone and work from home. My companies office is located in another state, so I don’t see anybody from my job. I mostly talk to myself because its a way of trying to solve problems. I’ve got ES but my symptoms are manifest with various autonomic nervous system issues. The only time I really see people is when I go to the doctor or get a massage or get acupuncture. I have a feeling I’d be in alot less pain and discomfort if I was living with a roommate.
So yes the loneliness can and does affect the body in many ways. I’ve a church that is right next to my apartment complex that I could go to for fellowship, but I’m not a big people person. Plus in the evenings I need the time to unwind and rest.
I doubt that your crazy and I don’t think I am either, except others who happen to catch my lips moving while I’m driving down the road might think I am. Again just trying to verbalize what I’m feeling at any given time. I bet that alot of people who you see talking on a cell phone while walking down a noisy city road, probably are just talking to themselves. Just trying to figure out their lives and the world.
Thank goodness for hands free phone and ear buds.
Take care.
), & I know what you mean about facial expressions too, I catch myself frowning etc sometimes! It could be that the tension is giving you symptoms, certainly! So you’re not crazy, or if you are then I am too…Sending you a hug 
