Starting a fresh thread for myself and others if you are having a bad day and need to vent…
Today I’m having a crappy day, not only with symptoms but the feelings of helplessness:
the long wait for proper tests
years lost waiting and pushing for diagnosis
constant reminder in my head/neck/throat that this isn’t getting better and trying to keep busy so that you don’t have to think about it, because if you do, the symptoms are worse
pandemic slowing down everything and making things so expensive
looking perfectly normal and people can’t tell it’s serious; unless you show them an image of your styloids, they think nothing is wrong
Anyway, thanks for listening, I’m having one of ‘those’ days.
My province set up online modules to help with the stress of the pandemic, which is great, however after finishing the main module, the social worker has gone MIA. However I do have some tools to use for anxiety, etc.
Always happy to listen…I’m glad that you got something out of the online course, even if it was one module! As for everything else, it must be really tough, especially at the moment & the situation in Canada with doctors so few & far between…sending you a hug, wish there was more I could do to help
Bad days sadly are part of the ES process, but without them, we wouldn’t continue to push for answers & solutions. I hear your discouragement as you think about constant symptoms that slow you down, productive years lost in the search for answers, & the pandemic raising prices & bringing everything to a pace that rivals molasses in winter. The “icing on the cake” is having nothing externally physical to show for the pain & anxiety that rule your life.
I’m glad your province set up a module to help w/ pandemic stress, but it’s unfortunate that the social worker who initiated that work left it unfinished. I applaud you for finding other ways to help yourself w/ the anxiety, etc.
I just looked at your avatar more closely & LOVE the picture you put there. It made me laugh! I’m definitely an animal lover & cats were my “go to” before I married a guy who’s allergic to cats. Oh well…
You know we’re here for you & willing to listen anytime you need, and I do second Jules sentiment that I wish there was something more we could do to help. Cyber hugs & prayer are the best I can offer, but I offer them as often as you want/need them.
Siren,
I could have written exactly this myself - word for word. I hope there’s comfort in knowing that you’re not alone and there are many here that regularly feel exactly what you’re feeling!
Last night I caved and just sat in a quiet room and cried because of the emotional ups and downs and the current unknown as I too, “hurry up to wait”. I cried recalling how I felt like I was bat sh*t crazy when my specialist told me it was anxiety or when my Chiro told me he and my PT were thinking something else was wrong yet never said a word until I informed them of my diagnosis. I cried recalling how I’d hide in my bathroom to sob because I wasn’t getting better and wasn’t getting answers.
The silver lining as it sits right now is that there’s a path! There’s a light and it’s just going to be a long walk to get there…but it’s there and we can see it!
This process isn’t put upon the weak and I put every bit of faith into saying that you WILL persevere and get through this!
Keep your faith tight, reach out and express your feelings as often as you need! You are so very validated!
Thanks Tjmhawk01 for your kind words. It’s amazing how all our stories can sometimes be word for word. Same thing happened to me - chiropractor, massage therapist, and physiotherapist thought something was wrong but without the ability to order imaging, they could do nothing. Thankfully my chiropractor had the option of sending my old 2019 CT to a legit radiologist she knew. And it was THEN finally had some answers. The answer was staring all the health professionals in the face for 2 1/2 years.
I’ve had many boo hoo sessions too, thinking about growing older and having to deal with it for years to come without a diagnosis.
Today I woke up with such fullness in my throat - you know the feeling of the pressure and the feelings of nausea. I’d love a physician go through it for a week and get back to me on how it makes them feel.
But all in all, definitely the thing I can focus on when I get sad is there is an ANSWER. I’m proud to have fought for it and never giving up. Everyone should be proud of that too.
Isaiah_40_31, I meant to reply to you about my kitties. They have been my “support animals” throughout the years - first through my dad’s illness and passing, then my mom’s illness and passing. And now my own throat/neck issues and of course, the pandemic. Despite the wake up calls and harassment in the morning they’re still there for the oodles of cuddles.
Kitty cuddles are the very best! My daughter has a cat that purrs so loudly you can hear her two rooms away. It’s AWESOME!! I’m glad you’ve had your therapy cats to help carry you through your life’s dark alleys, and that they’re with you now for your ES challenges.
they’re still there for the oodles of cuddles.